Calling someone a cunt or calling them a beaver?
Most often these terms of endearment are reserved for women but I'm an equal opportunist when it comes to name calling.
Let's start with cunt. At best, most people can't stand the word and I would argue many of those same people wouldn't use the word at all. It might even bother you, dear reader, to see the word because you're hearing it in your head - aren't you? Cunt. Cuuuuunt. Cunt cunt cunt.
I don't remember the first time I heard the word let alone the first time I used the word but I do fondly remember the time I called my former boss a cunt.
My work husband and I were on our morning break and I was at my breaking point. He and I had spent years under the same boss' constant scrutiny, ruthless judgement and general tyranny. I don't remember how it exactly rolled off my tongue but it was something to the effect of, "God damn it. She is such a fucking cunt!" Oxygen left Earth for the split second my work husband inhaled - he was aghast. Of all the wrongs he and I suffered he still couldn't compel himself to hear the word let alone accept the use of it to define our boss, as a woman or her unacceptable behaviors.
What's funny is the sheer impact and force of the word cunt in his mind must have been so great that he ended up using it to describe our boss a few years later. It was my turn to be shocked; mostly because it conveyed to me just how pissed and disgusted he was with her. It took time but she wore him down.
Now, I've never called anyone a beaver. But My Special Man Friend ("MSMF") has. Many times.
The first time I heard him say, "Oh, those beavers" I was like "Oh shit! Dude. Duuude. No" Then we both awkwardly stared at each other like, what? What did I say? Turns out MSMF loves the term beaver and what's funny, he doesn't think there's anything wrong with it. Well, not until recently.
Every time he's referred to a good friend or mutual acquaintance as a "beaver" I've just laughed because I know he's just saying "that girlfriend" or "that chic". And I've tried to tell him calling someone a beaver, especially a woman, is probably NOT the right nomenclature but shit, who am I to be the Politically Correct Police? Jesus, I am the last person. Remember, I'm Borat.
The cunt vs. beaver debate reached a crescendo on St. Patrick's Day. We met JZ and Beyoncé out for a drink and figured we'd consult two decently level headed humans to see what they thought.
They thought we were both inappropriate and fucking insane.
In fact JZ insisted we stop the debate altogether, sighting his disgust with us due to his having gone to cotillion and finishing school. He also warned MSMF, "I would avoid any discussion involving another woman's reproductive parts." MSMF and I were already a few drinks in, so we just laughed and kept arguing with one another under our breath.
What I found even funnier is that MSMF finally realized that calling someone a beaver was pretty fucking offensive. He didn't believe me when I told him to slow his roll on the use of the term, ooooh no. He only realized and accepted the severity after someone else schooled him on his beaver sensibilities. Thanks babe.
MSMF now swears he won't say beaver anymore but now I'm on the warpath. I find it so damn cute and funny that there's no way I'm letting the use of it die.
Ultimately, use of any offensive word or misdirected/misunderstood name calling hinges on who you're talking to. Before the great beaver debate, MSMF and I discussed the use of cunt with my New Zealand girlfriend and she found absolutely no problem with it. And I quote, "People use it all the time in Europe. It's almost normal, cunt this and cunt that. People will walk up and be like, 'Oh hey cunt!'"
So, what say you - are you on the cunt side of the fence? Beaver side of the fence? Both? Neither?
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