Beggars Be Dead

My 19 year old calico has turned into the worst beggar at dinner time.

She sits at the top of the couch, as close to the edge as she can possibly get without falling - which she has done once or twice, and screams at My Special Man Friend ("MSMF") and I. Not your average, "meow" or "meuw".

More like, "MEOW MOTHER FUCKER! FEED THIS CUTE SCREAMING KITTY PIE HOLE RIGHT NOW!"

And it's not even in the cute, cat like tones. Say the above line but in like a Samuel L Jackson kind of way. She screams at us in THAT way.

And really, it's our own fault that she's like this. She weighs 4 pounds 11 ounces, per the doctor, and is way too petite. It's not that we don't feed her. She's always been like this. It's that she wants the good shit; filet mignon with a red wine reduction, chicken curry with vegetables, cod in a creamy herb sauce... basically anything that we eat that's boujee and isn't some mashed up unknown kitty meat in a can.

I've tried some nights to stone wall her and not feed her but ignoring Samuel L Jackson embodied as a cat is kind of difficult. You break eventually. And she knows that.

I have this great sticker at my bar that says "Finish your beer. There are sober kids in India".

Frustrated by the amount of money I've spent on specialized kidney cat food for Samuel L Jackson, I said to her: "Poop! Go eat your food. There are starving kitties in India". MSMF followed up with, "Yeah Little, those homeless kitties are still hungry."

Now, I would never call MSMF "savage" in any sense or meaning of the word but what he said next was downright savage. 

"No wait. You know what Little? You remember those homeless kitties you met on your night out? Yeah, well they're not hungry. They're dead."

He took the India thing and went a step further. Years ago Samuel L Jackson got out one night for salacious kitty escapades. She showed back up at the apartment the next morning wide eyed and smelled funny. She lived high on life for one night but the thing was MSMF was right; any of the toms and alley kitties she had hung out with that night are probably no longer begging or roving the alleys for scraps. They're probably long gone.

It's not every day a kitty lives to 20, which Samuel L Jackson will be in June.

We wax and wane between supporting her beggar ways because when it comes down to it we don't want this beggar to pass. So she gets her way.

Here's Jaja, aka Samuel L Jackson aka Poop aka Little aka Chicken Legs sitting pretty for a morsel.