Like, I don't hate you annoying. And I understand why people have friends that are not me.
But still.
I have two "good friends", a couple, that I've known for over 5 years now. And literally, for at least the past year or more, I've been saying how badly I'd love to go to Vegas with them.
Hit up the day parties. Gamble a bit. Order room service. I even have a few other friends in Vegas to visit with, so we don't have to be with one another 24-7.
Do you think I've received a heads up about their last few trips to Vegas? No.
You think I received an invite this past trip, where other friends they obviously invited are posting Instagram videos and shit on Facebook? No.
What is a person like me to think?
Oh cool cool. I was busy. No... no I wasn't. I'm sitting here writing this God damn blog post.
Oh cool cool. Maybe it was someone's birthday. What? I can't celebrate a birthday? I'm like a one-man party monster up in this bitch. Come on now.
Oh cool cool. They didn't remember me or think about it. Yo. I'm like a sister to one of them, so we say to each other and other people. I've been harassing this couple FOR A YEAR + that I want to go with them to Vegas.
A lot of people like to think to themselves, "Oh it's probably not me." At this God damn point my only conclusion is: IT HAS TO BE ME!
And then I find myself thinking, maybe it's not that kind of trip. Maybe they're not getting turnt up.
THEN WHY THE FUCK ARE THE INVITEES POSTING TURN UP VIDEOS ON THEIR SOCIAL MEDIA FEED!
See. That right there...
This is why I'm saying mother fuckers make me crazy. Literally, LITERALLY, just got a text from a friend that said "Just saw your message. Sorry, just got home from drinks and dinner out."
Where I'm going with this is the hurt. The hurt of not being anyone's number one. Numero Uno. I treat everyone like they'd be my go to person and most of my friends always are. I'm always a more the merrier type. But God damn. Where are the people that have my back? That think to themselves this would be better with her than without her?
I think it's too much to ask in this day and age to ask to be everyone's someone but Christ, aren't I anyone's someone? It's not about the friends. It's about the idea and truth that you're not "the" friend tonight. Or next trip.
If that's the case I wish people would just be fucking honest. Don't talk in non-invites, missed texts and phone calls.
But that's not how most people roll, is it? Being bold and truthful and direct would mean more than likely not having many friends. Certainly not enough to flip through your contact list to pick and choose who goes and who doesn't. I need to remember that actions speak louder than words.
The senior wolves in my family are all for the most part alone. Savage, stoic, honorable, prideful.
I think about their choices and wonder sometimes if they made the right decisions and yet I find myself always on that verge; am I wrong? Are they wrong?
Expectations, values and ultimately needs always come at a high price. If I feel lonely in my partnerships and friendships than why not be alone and still have my fucking principles?
Young wolves become a part of the pack at some point.
I think I'm a good person that gives so much and is stupid considerate and yet here I am. Alone. On the couch. At 12:03 Saturday morning wondering why I didn't get a fucking invite to Vegas and being too fucking frustrated and hurt to give a shit enough to stop writing.
And feeling not ballsy enough to go it alone and tell everyone that disappoints me on a regular basis to pound sand. Because the truth of the matter is if we all did that we'd have no one.
So fuck your friend's friends because they ain't me!
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