No seriously. Look it up.
I found out in the weirdest, round about way. I got high with a group of close friends years ago right before seeing a 40mm screening of Baraka. The weed really started to kick in during the "cute" part of the film, where baby chicks are tumbling around on large conveyor belts to be processed. Group A got mashed to bits and group B got their beaks burnt off. I was so horrified I left the movie theater swearing off meat and was a pescatarian for the next 6+ years. Once the high wore off I did a lot more research into humane meat and why chickens get their beaks burnt.
Turns out chickens are cannibal as fuck and will peck other chickens to death. Not a fun way to go if you're a normal chicken. My Mom has had cannibal chickens in her flock and they're awful little shits. Anyway, where was I? Oh yeah, cannibal chickens and the turkey head.
My Special Man Friend ("MSMF") didn't know that chickens could be cannibalistic either. And because we say silly shit, we started making up little jingles and calling meals with chicken in it "cannibal chicken" dishes. For example, last week we made Cannibal Chicken Tikka Marsala. This week we may make Lemon Cannibal Chicken or Caper & Mushroom Cannibal Chicken. I don't recall what day it was but last week we were once again saying silly shit in bed when MSMF started singing a little cannibal chicken ditty under his breath. Something like, "hmm hmm hmm cannibal chicken... hmm hmm coming to get you... hmm hmm peck peck peck cannibal chicken..."
I didn't pay much attention to the humming as he jumped into the shower. I was more concerned with the sound of the water slowly building up. The shower and I have had epic take down fights of hairball removal or whatever else clogs the damn thing. Sensing the imminent threat of another clog, I wrapped my hair up hastily in a bun and leaned halfway into the shower to clear the drain. What happened next can only be summed up as incoherent gasps, grunts and sputtering coming from MSMF.
What I did catch was, "Uh...ah! Turkey. Ugh - TURKEY HEAD! ah!" It was clear that I had freaked him out. Bad.
For the next 10 minutes I could barely catch my breath I was laughing so hard. And each time MSMF tried to explain what happened, I would die a little bit more and laugh a little harder. The first excuse was that he didn't have his glasses on or contacts in, so I "looked" like a turkey. His next line of reasoning was that he thought I was taking the "cannibal chicken bit" to the next level. Seems sensible, right? You see, I have taxidermy around my place and have even (joked) about taxidermy-ing my cat. We won't get into that right now but the point is that MSMF thought that I got super clever with the cannibal chicken shtick by taking it to the next level - seemingly to a turkey head level. He thought I pulled out some hidden taxidermy turkey head to scare the shit of him with in the shower!
First of all, a shower would ruin a turkey head taxidermy. Secondly, who has a turkey head they're keeping hidden for just such an occasion? Lastly and probably the most important question, do I look like a damn turkey head!? You always hear that women are chicken heads in rap songs but a turkey head? I don't think so.
We still sing little cannibal chicken jingles and laugh about the turkey head. And in case you're wondering, which you should be, the answer is yes. Yes, I've been online trying to find a taxidermy turkey head.
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