Doin' It Way Big

DISCLAIMER - Wrote this weeks ago. Just now posting.

Have you ever had that day? That day or night where you just did it way big?

To quote Lil Kim - "Doin' it way big."

A week before my birthday I went way big.

I didn't apologize for saying or being who I was because I had my crew around me.  The same people that have torn me down but also the same people that can respect me.

And I dished it out too.  I probably used "cunt" and "fuck em" way too loosely but then again who doesn't say some stupid shit. Who wants to be taken too seriously? Seems everyone's lives are so serious these days.  If you don't have COVID you either don't care, care too much, or are going to get it.

I personally would like to just get it and move on but I'd probably be one of those sad mother fuckers that gets the worst version of it.

Tonight, on the almost week of my birthday, I talked about all the things.

I grew up poor.  My family suffered. And tortured one another, and still do, because they don't know any better. I shared my random socio-anthropological beliefs with the group because God damn it I'm unique. 

Or at least I was.

But as the years add on and my skin sallows, I realize that I refuse to age. Refuse to slowly die. I took a stand tonight because damn it all I matter. My life matters. This fucking frustrating no seeming result life matters. To me. I'm trying to scrape by, paycheck to paycheck, and act like I know what the fuck is going on.

And everyone at the table just smiled at me and we all finished our over priced beverages because that's what responsible adults do. 

And because I'm being open I'll tell you - we lied about having a kid in our 5 person pre-lockdown crew because we wanted chicken fingers.  This God damn mother fuckin' place wouldn't give us chicken fingers because it was a kids menu item. And we seemed to NOT fit the bill of having a kid status. So we made up a kid that we had to "take chicken tenders home to". 

Of course we proceeded to eat them at the table, secretly, the moment they served them up in the to-go container.

I resent leaving them 20%. Honestly.

But that's what you do when it's COVID. And that's what you do when you're goin' way big.

You say and do shit you shouldn't but I'm not going to look back and think - meh, I shouldn't have said or did that. I knew exactly what I said and did all night. And frankly...

I did it way BIG.