What is it about that favorite pair? With holes, failing elastic and barely any meat left on the bone our brain says "I must keep you." It's weird, right? I think it's weird but we all do it. And if you don't do it, well, you should feel better about your life choices and probably skip to the next post. Most everyone else has some ratty little secrets hiding in their drawers or on their ass or on their feet that they don't want anyone to see.
Or do they?
Relationships are funny when it comes to stuff like this. In a new relationship you walk a little taller, you put makeup on or splash on that cologne your Mom gave you five years ago at Christmas, and you certainly don't wear your slightly there underwear that you can see straight through when held up to the light. Even though you KNOW they are comfortable as fuck you better not put them on because it surely means you're going to be caught with them on later in the night. Nothing will suck the romance out of the room faster than your underwear tearing to shreds in someone else's fingers because they had one too many holes and are thinner than a rice paper door in a kung fu film.
This goes for socks too. It's not the sexy relationship equivalent to chonies but it's still a statement piece. I used to hang onto socks way too long. About a year ago I was getting ready to hit the gym and pulled out one of the last pairs of clean socks I had and thought to myself - these things suck. For as much as I would spend on a cocktail or four at some overpriced nightclub why, WHY wouldn't I spend $12 on 3 or 4 pairs of new socks? I went on a sock drawer purge. Anything without padding in the heel, gone. Lone sock I kept thinking would find its mate a year later, gone. It feels so damn good to put on decent socks! The same should be true for underwear but for some reason it isn't. Some of my most uncomfortable panties are my newest and of course the sexiest but that goes without saying.
In a relationship where you're starting to get comfortable or you've been together for years, the oldies but goodies come out. It's inevitable. Mismatched socks, who gives a shit. Underwear falling half off your ass because the elastic is so blown, meh they're still comfortable. My Special Man Friend ("MSMF") and I make the usual efforts to self primp and such but a recent load of laundry revealed that MSMF had a dirty little secret... and I had found it out.
I told him as much via text late one afternoon about an hour or so before he got home. It was cruel of me because I knew he would sweat and also wonder what the secret was. We both needed laundry done and I was working from home, so I said screw it and did both our loads together. While sitting on the couch folding I discovered that this man only has about 3 pairs of socks that match. And about 97 other loan rangers that don't. Also, I'm using the term "socks" here loosely. They're more like bits of fabric that have been sent through a mulcher. I can't say the underwear department was any better and that goes for both of us. I'm embarrassed to say I have a few pairs that have no right leaving the undie drawer but wear them again I will.
MSMF once likened a pair of his underwear to a car with an elastic seat belt and the top down; there was a cling left but not much to keep them from sliding off and letting his ass peek out as he "drove" or walked by. Those got trash binned shortly after. While discussing his mismatched sock secret I couldn't help but tease him about owning a few pairs of Body Glove boxer briefs. Wasn't Body Glove a thing we grew up with in the 80's? Were these pairs really around that long? And if not, how the hell and where the hell are they making Body Glove for men? I was too curious and had to do a Google search. The official Body Glove site only has surf wear, so I have to assume these are knockoffs from Burlington Coat Factory.
And yeah, you read that right - Burlington Coat Factory. Did you know you can buy underwear at Burlington Coat Factory? Don't know why you would, because it's a COAT FACTORY, but apparently you can buy underwear there. Not going to tell you how I know that (cough cough MSMF cough cough) but I also found an article (below) that may explain where all our mismatched socks might be going...
https://www.dailymail.co.uk/news/article-3500962/New-Zealand-cat-exclusively-steals-underwear-socks-neighbours.html
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