Tits, an Expression

I didn't realize I had a thing about tits or should I say, I didn't realize I used tits in conversation as often as I do, until recently. Sure, My Special Man Friend ("MSMF") and I have Trash Bin Titty Thursdays (see "TBTT" post) but that's a Thursday night 80's movie theme.  I wouldn't call that having a thing about tits.

Did you know there are tons of things that you, and others, could be doing with your tits at any given time?  Or that people could use your tits as an expression?  There are many ways to use tits as a turn of phrase that I'm sure I'm missing, like "tits up", but here are my favorite examples.

First, an oldie but goodie - "Off your tits."  I don't really remember where or how I first heard this expression but I feel like it might have come from a Guy Ritchie film like Lock Stock and Two Smoking Barrels...or maybe Trainspotting?  Off your tits is a good, solid tit reference to anything from being totally hammered from drinking too much to going slightly crazy at work. You know the co-worker I'm talking about; the one that finally has had enough and goes on a desk clearing rampage. You'd smile, look at your cube mate as you both watch the spectacle unfold, and then say "He's off his tits."

My second favorite tit descriptor ties neatly into the coworker example - "Calm your tits."  That guy needed to calm his tits.  Bring it down a notch.  Chill the fuck out.  Calming ones tits can be an act of bringing down the craziness or over-excitedness.  Although as we all know, no one in history has ever calmed down when being told to calm down.  Being told to calm your tits though might just pose the challenge someone needs to actually do so.

Finally, the tit coup de gras - "High as tits."  I use this one WAY too frequently and quite often not appropriately.  Most people when I say they are high as tits actually aren't high.  Or maybe they are, who knows.  I just love the way it rolls off the tongue and from what I've gathered it's the most memorable of tit expressions when your friends and family first hear it because they will proceed to remind you that you said it and even incorporate it into their own vocabulary.  If only I had a dollar for every time I was asked "What does that even mean?" I wouldn't be rich but I would have enough to buy a medium mocha at Peet's coffee.  Aside from being high or just feeling really damn good and looking like you're feeling really damn good to others, I don't really know what else high as tits could mean.  Of course MSMF would say it isn't about being drunk, needing to calm down or being high as fuck, "It's about height or the measurement of distance."  So visual and literal.

I love my special Special human.