For some people it's the toilet seat left up. For others it's drivers that don't use their turn signals. My ex used to hate the water I'd leave behind around the kitchen and bathroom sinks. I never understood it but it would annoy him so much that he'd wipe up the leftover water remarking "it's like you were taking a bath in there." Dude, it's a fucking SINK! A siiiiiiiink! Water goes in and inevitably around it. In addition to being a water fairy, I have the very special talent of being able to do one of those nasty old guy throat clears - you know, the real guttural kind. My Mom can't stand it.
It drives me crazy when people don't take their God damn right of way, which is funny because I'm basically hating on someone for being nice. The problem is it creates so much confusion; do I go...? do you go...? then ultimately we both try to go and then end up staring at one another to see who's going to be rude first. It annoys the absolute shit out of me.
Another pet peeve of mine is the direction people face their toilet paper. Those of you that get it are nodding your head right now saying out loud "yep". The proper way is the top side or "over" roll, where the length of toilet paper runs from the top of the roll out. If the toilet paper is clipped in with the underside or "under" roll, where the length of toilet paper runs from the bottom of the roll out, you can't use the dispenser nor the roll itself to get enough leverage to easily tear it off. I think men are more at fault for this one than women, as we seem to be more conscientious of such a simple thing throwing someone into a fit of rage. I've been asked "what does it matter?" and the simple truth is that it doesn't matter. Unless you're an animal, live in prehistoric times or want someone to bitch at you for such dumb bullshit.
When you're ready to wipe your sweet underside, the last thing you want to do is fiddle around with the damn toilet paper. If you're faced with the under roll, you're left trying to reach over with the other hand or attempting to one hand tear that shit. It's annoying. Though just leaving a roll completely off the dispenser is the ultimate fuck you or I don't care enough to spare the two seconds to handle this thing properly. My ex loved doing that one.
My Special Man Friend ("MSMF") has interesting pet peeves. The first one I wouldn't call so much of a pet peeve as an absolute vehement hate or gut wrenching disdain. And what is it he can't stand? Tattoos. I don't have any and while MSMF has said that that wouldn't be a deal breaker, if he had saw a tattoo in any of my online photos, he probably wouldn't be dating me right now. When tattoos got randomly brought up one afternoon MSMF lit up! I've never seen him more agitated and opinionated. I oddly kind of liked it, in comparison to his typical more chill bro demeanor. What I find even more interesting about MSMF's dislike of tattoos is that he just hates the one off here, the tramp stamp there. If you have a full sleeve or massive chest/back tattoo, he's cool with it. Any time I mention getting a tattoo, which in truth I have thought about doing, I get a very stern no joking around low tone "Baby".
MSMF also isn't a big fan of certain words. I'm sure there are more but I found out that he has a massive bugbear for the word "mulch". You know how some people don't like the word "moist" or its connotations? Well MSMF doesn't like mulch. I remember my best friend's sister in high school hated the word "penis", so we started calling her penis. The nickname stuck. I found an old curry recipe with shrimp and noodles that I thought we should try. Oddly you have to grind up the shrimp so I said to MSMF, "hey do you want to do some mulched shrimp and noodles?" My question did not go over well. It got to the point that he refused to have the dish if I insisted on using the word mulch. I promised I wouldn't say mulch anymore and then proceeded to say it at least 10 times last night over the course of cooking and then eating our curry mulched shrimp and noodles.
And guess what he took for lunch today at work - mulched shrimp. Love you babe.
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