"I Don't F*ck"

To quote myself - "I don't fuck."  How do I explain this.

There are so many ways you can say "I don't want to be involved" or "I'm not down with that" or laugh something off with a "No thanks."  On occasion rather than using my words I'll just say "I don't fuck."  What I think I'm saying is I don't fuck with that or I don't fuck with you, like Tyga's catchy 2011 song "Fuck With You".  Though saying I don't fuck is just simpler.  As well as completely confusing to pretty much everyone that has heard me say it. It can be used in situations of humor but typically I've used it in times of frustration, anger or in moments of laughing something off as I walk away.

The last time I really used I don't fuck, multiple times, was with two friends from Oregon that flew down for a two day music festival in San Diego.  After the first day/night of doing all the things we went back to the hotel to unwind and eat some Top Ramen, the after party snack of champions. God knows why but my friends figured it must be a great time to start asking me about my ex, who we all last attended the festival with, because they went in hard with the questions. Mostly they went in on their observations about me not being happy and some of my ex's odd behaviors that weekend, like being jealous that my girlfriend and I went to get a photo with John Digweed, her DJ man-crush.

Frustrated with the conversation, but more so by the years of how I was treated, I simply stated, "Man, I don't fuck." Seeing their puzzled faces I went on to explain that yeah, it wasn't the best of times the last time we hung out and that I felt judged any time I wanted to let loose and be happy. Not to mention the fact that I shit myself that weekend... that's another story altogether. When they again brought up his odd behaviors and jealousy I couldn't help but laugh and say "I don't fuck." I literally don't fuck; we're not together anymore and I don't need to deal with the bullshit or reliving it.  I don't fuck, in all kinds of ways on this topic. It got easier as the conversation went on because they slowly grasped the meaning in different instances and tones of I don't fuck.

Like using tits as an expression (see my post "Tits, an Expression") saying I don't fuck is addictive once people have heard it. Ok, maybe not addictive. I wouldn't say it has caught on for individual use per se.  Mostly people just end up quoting me as saying it to express their own use of the phrase and that's ok. It makes me sound like the cussing, non-sensical weirdo instead of them.

I don't mind not making sense. I don't mind sounding completely belligerent or insanely brilliant because - I don't fuck.