What I ended up with was a hamster named Bart.
He was your average hamster that ended his days as most hamsters do - full of tumors, ready to roll around in that big plastic ball in the sky. He got out a couple times but one daring escape stands out in my mind.
My Grandmother hated rodents and because we had Bart in a small two-bedroom apartment my Grandmother would never come to stay with my Mom and I. We finally convinced her to stay over one weekend by promising to keep Bart locked in his caged castle. For added protection we put his cage in the bathtub and then closed the bathroom door. How it happened we'll never know but...
Bart got out.
He didn't just breakout of the bathroom fortress. He magnificently got out and proceeded to run across my Grandmother's face. In the middle of the night. Can you imagine large male hamster balls being dragged across your face in the dead of night? Awaking to her screams, we searched desperately around the apartment looking for him. He wasn't just going to stick around after making such a bold move. He ghosted. My Mom and I were nearing the point of giving up when we spotted him. He was at the top of the curtains in our bedroom, 12 feet up. Now understand that a hamster, while stretchy and agile, can die from being dropped just a foot above the ground. But not this fucking hamster.
Stretching out on the very last step of the stepladder my Mom did her best to grab Bart. But he was a fugitive on the run and was having none of it. He saw her right as her hand closed in and released his tiny little paws, plummeting the 12 feet to the ground. I've never seen anything move so fast. As soon as he hit the ground with a thud, he shot up, running for another hiding place. Pissed and tired we gave up.
We didn't find the little fucker for 2 days, during which time he had burrowed himself a nice hole into the carpet as a makeshift bed.
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